Mount Me

Last week I went to a "defensive skills training" for my job. A whole week in Denver, away from home and on dirty, smelly gym mats. We were in training at the Denver Police Academy - eh hum - is it PT time for the cadets again? I thought I'd be challenged to work on some Billy Blank moves, in fact I joked about it before going. Not so funny. It was 4 1/2 days of non-stop physical activity. After the first day, an afternoon of wrist grabs I had bruises on my arms. By Tuesday night I thought there was no way I would make it through the rest of the week. Side kicks, mule kicks, front punch, hammer punch, palm heel...."get into your ready stance...kick, kick, kick, punch, left turn, kick, right turn, kick, palm heel, palm heel." There were times when the trainers would direct us to find a partner - I was always looking for the weak girls. Erin, a co-worker was someone I stayed away from. Clearly competetive and dangerous she really grabbed and she really kicked. Every few minutes they would yell out to find a new partner. It was worse than a junior high dance - trying to find someone who wants to be your partner, realizing you're the only one around who hasn't found anyone to match up with yet and then finding the other loser - you both hold resentment toward one another.
The highlight of my grueling week was "ground fighting" day. "Okay everyone, once you've found a partner I want you to mount them." It's true - an afternoon of sitting on each other and being rolled over and on top of one another -does it get more awkward...."Okay, for those of you ladies who haven't worked with a male partner yet, you need to find one, everyone needs to work with a guy."
Well, let's be honest folks - it was the most action I've gotten in a long time -rolling around with a strange man.
My body was so sore each night that turning over in my sleep was a chore. Standing up and sitting down a dramatic accomplishment. My roomate, Sarah woke up on Wednesday and yelled, "I don't want to f@#*g do this anymore." I shared her anger but was shocked when she started cursing in her sleep.
I find myself more sensitive, waiting for someone to grab me so I can take them down. I was prepared while in a Panera bathroom stall with someone pacing the small room. I followed their feet was ready to defend myself should that attack me. Watch out or I might mount you.
-jlt