Country Kick

So, I'm all into country music these days. Can't get enough of it. Don't get me wrong, I still like to check in on my hiphop gangstas....but after a couple minutes, I just want some good ol'fashioned country tunes....am I getting old?
I was in my car this morning, coming from the gym (which is a place that country doesn't really work) and was jamming to a little Akon... and then I listened to the words. Here is just a brief excerpt from his top of the charts single:

Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.
And possibly bend you over.
Look back and watch me
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore
smack that, oooh.
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh.

Smack that? Are you serious? Bend you over? Eeeewwww!

I'm learning to love the lyrics in country music - much less eewwwing going on. Now, I'm fully aware that not all the songs encourage good morals or are even well-written, but most have much better lyrics. For instance, my good buddy Brad Paisley:

She's the voice I love to hear
Someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for

Excuse me... I think I'm going to need a moment.

jlt

Lunch

I was invited to join my co-workers for lunch. It's been one of the hardest things about my new job. Lack of socialization with co-workers. Today, the ex invited me to join them for Chinese. Right on! I'm in! I have realized that any invitation that is turned down requires a lot of work to "make right" so I was all over this one. We went to the Chinese restaurant down the alley. The experience was horribly disappointing. It was a crazy slam fest, with the four men and one other woman smack-talking each other. My ex, who, I imagine knows me well enough to know I was uncomfortable, would occasionally ask me a bizarrely normal question like, "So, what is your family doing for Thanksgiving?" which would be followed by someone threatening to tell someone else's embarrassing stories from college. Like, X-rated stories?! It was the kind of environment where you try at first to fit in, give some input and then you realize it is not only completely futile because you've got nothing to add to their inside stories....but you don't even want to assimilate to the group. I've been bummed that I haven't been invited to more of these lunches??? Are you kidding me?! It's been a blessing?! Sweet and sour chicken has never tasted so sour.

Laundromat

I recently went to the laundromat to do some massive washing. I needed to wash my couch slipcover before hosting a party and saw it as a great opportunity to get all of my laundry done...without having to climb the 4 flights of stairs to the basement washroom. I dragged all my dirty clothes to the laundromat on Platte. I walked in and was immediatley concerned. There were "Apartment Guides" thrown on the floor, a couple of old dryer sheets and a puddle of water from a leaking washing machine. The mega washers (the whole reason I came to the laundromat) were all broken - yes, all 4 of them. So I shoved the slipcover in a standard washing machine and gave the on-site security camera a look to imply, "it's your own fault." I loaded up 4 machines. I couldn't get one to stay balanced, so the spin would stop. Another machine started with a spin cycle - never washed the clothes. I had to transfer my soapy clothes to another machine and pay another $1.25 to try again. The machines were called "Speedy Wash" and speedy it was. Too speedy. Are my clothes really getting cleaned? I sat in the place by myself - at first relieved I didn't have to avoid eye contact with someone for an hour. But as time passed, I became very aware that while I had difficulty seeing outside through the reflective glass, the whole world and passing Platte could clearly see me. Sketchy - very sketchy. At one point, the door slammed open and a guy came in with a beanie on his head...freaked me out. Fortunately he only asked for the time but I was all kinds of ready to shout out: "Stay back - I've been to defensive skills training and my hands are weapons!" The clothes took too long in the dryer and I found myself folding damp jeans. I left with 4 loads of cleanish laundry - but next time, I think I'm just going to make the trek down the stairs to the basement.

Mount Me

Last week I went to a "defensive skills training" for my job. A whole week in Denver, away from home and on dirty, smelly gym mats. We were in training at the Denver Police Academy - eh hum - is it PT time for the cadets again? I thought I'd be challenged to work on some Billy Blank moves, in fact I joked about it before going. Not so funny. It was 4 1/2 days of non-stop physical activity. After the first day, an afternoon of wrist grabs I had bruises on my arms. By Tuesday night I thought there was no way I would make it through the rest of the week. Side kicks, mule kicks, front punch, hammer punch, palm heel...."get into your ready stance...kick, kick, kick, punch, left turn, kick, right turn, kick, palm heel, palm heel." There were times when the trainers would direct us to find a partner - I was always looking for the weak girls. Erin, a co-worker was someone I stayed away from. Clearly competetive and dangerous she really grabbed and she really kicked. Every few minutes they would yell out to find a new partner. It was worse than a junior high dance - trying to find someone who wants to be your partner, realizing you're the only one around who hasn't found anyone to match up with yet and then finding the other loser - you both hold resentment toward one another.
The highlight of my grueling week was "ground fighting" day. "Okay everyone, once you've found a partner I want you to mount them." It's true - an afternoon of sitting on each other and being rolled over and on top of one another -does it get more awkward...."Okay, for those of you ladies who haven't worked with a male partner yet, you need to find one, everyone needs to work with a guy."
Well, let's be honest folks - it was the most action I've gotten in a long time -rolling around with a strange man.
My body was so sore each night that turning over in my sleep was a chore. Standing up and sitting down a dramatic accomplishment. My roomate, Sarah woke up on Wednesday and yelled, "I don't want to f@#*g do this anymore." I shared her anger but was shocked when she started cursing in her sleep.
I find myself more sensitive, waiting for someone to grab me so I can take them down. I was prepared while in a Panera bathroom stall with someone pacing the small room. I followed their feet was ready to defend myself should that attack me. Watch out or I might mount you.
-jlt