Instead of sleeping in and being lazy, on this day off, I met a friend at 7:00am to hike the incline. I was in deep thought, is as best while on the incline. Anything to take the mind of each grueling step. With a challenge that is so mental, it's best I have things rolling around in head to process, otherwise there are too many, "why am I doing this?" "I hate this." "I can't do this" thoughts. I rolled around random thoughts, like how dark I felt Thursday night, after a week of gossip and sin-filled conversations of judgment with co-workers. And how deception by someone else can sting and revive hurt even years after it's been done. In my thoughts, I found myself attributing my inability to pump myself up the stairs with positive self-talk as a direct result of not playing organized sports as a child. Honestly, I think this thought everytime I climb the incline. No training in seeing myself achieve a goal, no coaching to be determined to conquer something and push my physical limitations.

At that time, I started a list of things I think I've missed out on in my short life. Maybe it's the ease of blaming circumstances or childhood on adult characteristics.



I stayed in town for college and commuted for classes, that brings a whole list of things: dorm life, keggers, frat parties, toga parties, RAs, going to class in pajamas or sweats.



My prom - I've never had a conversation like, "well, it hits at my knees and has sequence along the neck line and I think I'll wear my hair like this..."

Keds - the real ones - the ones with the blue labels on the heel. We got the generic ones, sure they came in different colors but even if you did have one to match your Mt. Rushmore t-shirt, the generic ones were still worn with shame. In junior high I got a real pair - big deal - I tried to glue the blue label on when it started to fall off. Finally! A real pair and the label wants to fall off.