Cabin Fever

Long weekend! Love it!
CT and I had company over last night - we grilled some steak, sat on the porch, drank some wine - it was perfect out there. This morning I woke up and got packed up to head into the mountains. I took off windows on the Jeep and headed up 24. I got all giddy inside, driving through the mountains, hair blowing crazy in the wind. I've got to get up here more - it's crazy to live in Colorado and rarely leave the springs - no wonder I want to move - I'm not taking advantage of the treasures here. The cabin is perfect - I did some lounging outside, reading, napping, and internet searching already today. I'll make dinner and then maybe play some atari - woohoo! Hopefully at sometime, go kayaking or hiking. Right now I think I'll play a little John Denver....
-jlt

27?! How did it happen?

I had a good day on the 25th. Took the day off of work - it used to be one of those things you could bet on - you get your birthday off - supposed to be a perk of the job. But lately, the office enviroment is so severely tense and abusive you don't dare assume anything. "Hey, Hoss, I'm going to take my birthday and tomorrow I'll come in early and leave early." I like to say things matter of factly - in fact, my co-worker just brought that to my attention yesterday, I have a professional voice that indicates I'm not asking, I'm informing... when did that happen?
"What?" he says in a grunt. I keep my stance, "I'm taking Thursday off, it's my birthday and I'm leaving early tomorrow." 180 out of there before he can question my intentions. I suppose if he had a problem I will discover it soon enough.
I had breakfast on the porch - the made over porch - it is so perfect now, new carpet, plants, clean. And then mom and I went to ParkMeadows. Mom said I could shop for an outfit - unfortunately times have changed and we weren't at Kohl's. I did get some pants for work and some summer tanks. However, I DO NOT recommend clothes shopping on one's birthday - there's nothing to celebrate when standing in a small closet, harsh lighting and horribly honest mirrors. Next year I think I'll go spa. Get pampered some.
Then went to dinner with the family and friends. That evening, talking to a friend, I had a wrinkle in time experience. I've known her for years - who would've thought when we were friends at 18 that we'd be sitting around and talking about how life was at 24, 25? When did 24 and 25 become "years ago?"
-jlt

old maids

late spring is always an interesting time for us. Ct has a April Birthday, JT has a May and I have a June birthday. Every year the age we gain is more and more severely OLD. It's tragic really. JT, myself and a friend were dis"cuss"ing tonight the grey area that our ages have put us in... too old for partying and not a place where marriage and kids are an option. It's weird... so we find ourselves singing Whitney Houston in a Starbucks at Briargate Bluffs. =-)

I hope that this year is a rockin' one and I don't mean in a rocking chair. Happy Birthday to you. We, along with the red-headed stepchild, are also glad that you came out your mother's "haree vahina" on your journey.

Love you!

I can see clearly now

I woke up Friday morning - ugh - I hate mornings, never enough time, moving slowly. I go to put in my contacts. I didn't wear them the day before, I wear them too much and always get scolded by the eye doctor about oxygen and blood vessels. I open the case and my contacts are nowhere to be found. What? I look through the medicine cabinet, maybe I grabbed the wrong case...no, I can't find another one. I call CAT at work: "hey, can you see?"
"yes"
"hmmmm, my contacts aren't in my case, did you maybe put mine in?"
"no, if I had yours in I wouldn't see anything...is the bathroom trash still there? I threw a case away yesterday...."
CAT is going through this big purge, throwing things away, de-cluttering. I disgustingly dig through the trash, a contact case...not mine. I'm becoming angry at the possibility of her purging my stuff... I dig some more, nothing. I look again in the medicine cabine (this will happen 4 more times) in my make-up bag, on my dresser, in her room...nothing. I am down on the ground, looking under the claw-foot tub, around the radiator, could it have fallen and rolled somewhere? Time is ticking, I will be late for work. I know I should throw on my glasses, but now I must find the contacts. I feel like I'm losing my mind... I've been wearing contacts for over 12 years (how did I get so old?)and this has never happened. I see this as a reflection of my life, of course, and get emotional - I'm losing my mind and now I have to go to work and I'm unhappy and I'm single and geesh I've been wearing contacts for years and I'm old....
I go into my room to slap on my make-up..... wait a second.... I can see? I jump up close to the mirror... sure enough...there they are...my contacts are in my eyes! Oh my lands! It is crystal clear: I am losing my mind! I am going crazy! I'm a freak!
-jlt

You deserve better

What does that mean? I've heard, "you deserve better" at least 3 times in the last week from single, female friends. Sure, the response is exactly what I expected to hear in at least two of the scenarios, but is it realistic? I am beginning to realize I hit it off with the ladies very well. It's the guys I'm having a hard time convincing. There are times when I know I am my worst critic and other times when I think I am quite a catch. Where is the balance? And where is the discernment when times are tough and you "work with what you got?"


Another thought today:
A young girl was sitting on the bench outside of my office window. Her shirt read, "I had a nightmare I was a brunette." Her hair was clearly chemically treated and I was concerned that someday she will realize she is a brunette and then her nightmare will really only be beginning.

Also:
I had a guy in my office today who was wearing a polo shirt. The print on the shirt was of other polo shirts under v-neck sweater vests - a truly disturbing sight. Why wear a polo shirt of other polo shirts? I had a hardtime focusing on what he was saying.
-jlt

Super Nanny

I watched Super Nanny the other night and I decided that everyone loves Jo because she is a normal sized women - or a little overweight. Dads like her: she is beautiful and friendly. Moms like her: she isn't intimidating and is safe. Children like her: she gets down on their level and plays with them. I tried to imagine how the show would go if Jo was a tall, slender blonde, with a rack. It wouldn't work.

I recently attended a baby shower and sat next to a woman I had never met. She asked if I had a family of my own. Mom and dad??? I politely returned the question. She is married, no children, but they do have a cat and that is like their child. She then proceeded to tell me how she is disciplining her cat despite the common assumption that cats cannot be trained. She explained how she has learned much of her tools on Super Nanny. You see, instead of a "naughty chair" she is using a naughty bathroom. If the cat does something bad, it is placed in the designated john. After a couple of minutes, the cat is released. She assured me that the cat does not like it in there. I asked her if this routine of discipline was working...."well, I'm not sure yet."

Where's Waldo?

I stayed late at work last night and spent a good portion of my Saturday working on an application to the District Probation office. It would mean better pay, state employee benefits and getting out of my current office. I'm not really even sure I would want the job (I want to get out of this town and work in a more positive environment...i want to be nice) but I've decided that if I don't try, then I don't have the option - so at the very least I will apply for the option.
After some progress, I went to the Citadel with CAT - I was looking for a new nose ring and ran into one of my probationers (along with her 4 er make that 5, bun in the oven, children and her extremely pierced friend). Awkward.
We then passed one of my guys who works at a kiosk - I did not look in his direction... to avoid any more awkwardness.
This evening I went out for sushi and ice cream with some friends. At the restaurant there was a guy who is supervised by one of my co-workers. After ice cream, while walking back to my apartment, I spot another one of my guys - ready for a night on the town.
Earlier this week I discovered I am supervising a friend of a ex-fiance of a friend. Last weekend I was greeted at Target.
Man oh man.... do I want to stay in this field? I literally cannot go ANYWHERE?! Where is the anonymity? I feel like there isn't a "safe" place in this town where I can go without seeing someone who is/was on probation with me or a co-worker. Ugh! Are they all people I need to avoid - no - but I don't want to see them.
It's funny - when I logged in here today, I thought, "why don't we use our names? why so mysterious?" Then I remembered my inspiration. I had been urged by numerous friends to try on-line dating. I signed up for a match.com account, filled out my profile and provided pictures. It wasn't horribly successful, but I did get a handful of emails (none of my pursuers were worth getting to know). One day, I received an email and read the text before the picture popped up: "Hey Jana, thank you for not getting totally mad at me for missing my appointment on Wednesday. This isn't a come on, just wanted to tell you what a great job you do."
And then the picture - it was the guy you'd never want emailing you.The guy on my caseload with long hair, Led Zepplin t-shirts, tight stonewashed jean shorts....the horror! I can't win.